5 long months

Well it has been 5 long months since I was last here and really I wonder if it is possible to even summarise how difficult these months have been.

Firstly I lost my beach house for the year, due to the flatmate from hell. Still have a pending court date to be dealt with, but realistically I used the law to find a way out of aforementioned hell. After moving to my parentals I have a few weeks I ended up moving to student housing as a short term solution. After moving houses 5 times and with a 6th on the cards, I feel like a hobo with belongings scattered now between 4 houses. Still my attempt to live in one house for 12 months hasn’t materialized.

On the work front, currently as I type this I am sitting in a job that I HATE! Not having enough work or work that can be completed without someone else’s input is just exhausting. Every day I count down the minutes until I can go “home”. Of course home isn’t my true home, I wonder if that place actually exists.

Weight loss .. ha ha ha very funny idea. I did get myself a Wii Fit but alas that is now in storage… the motivation lasted for about 4 weeks before my life fell apart and I was deemed homeless.

Speaking of being homeless I would like to note that the legal system is an arse… who forces the abused person onto the streets… that would be our system. Archaic and rigid, with the focus on victimising the victim… off my high horse now.

Uni … 13 weeks, yes that’s all I have left to finish my degree. Of course the ability to finish my degree depends on me getting this last two assignments from a previous subject finished.. at this rate it will be summer school for me.

And last but not least love and life… well life hasn’t been treating me very kind recently, its been a long 5 months. I did get “picked” up in a club by someone who thought I was 26… alas I am not, but flattering and he even took me to dinner. Relationships are hard, long distance ones are harder. Especially when one partner feels down trodden, overlooked, and used, even if that isn’t the case.

I have taken to trying to put myself first, and as I was told recently…. I need to love myself. Unfortunately if anyone knew me… loving myself can often become self-destructive. Interesting since I started putting myself first… the men are flocking to be at my side, sometimes as friends and sometimes not. I must find a balance between loving myself and not letting me allow to drop an atomic bomb on my world, because there is no second chances from the devastation of dropping an atomic bomb on your world.

But sometimes, just sometimes you don’t need an atomic bomb to lifts your spirits. Entering into the “war zone” even if it is only for a few hours, you can feel like the most beautiful, important and intellegent person in the world. The problem is with entering into the “war zone” is that each time you enter, you risk your life, security, and sometimes you venture too far out of the green zone and when you go to far into the red zone, someone else might see what is happening and fire their own atomic bomb at your and then there is no going back … or so they say.

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