Holding a conversation

Last night I spent over an hour just talking to a friend. We talked about random stuff in our lives and just generally chatted. It was unusual, over the years I have spoken to many men on the phone (lets leave that for another day!) and it is rare to find someone who can really listen and show compassion and show a real interest in a person, through just the spoken word.

He wanted to know how I was feeling, what I was doing, he seemed genuinely interested in making sure I was ok. But there in lies the problem, does he know that whilst I enjoy his friendship, that there is a fine line between relationship and friendship?

Over the last few months I have spoken to friends about how much we share with a friend, particularly one of the opposite sex to us. If you aren’t sharing all these things with your partner, then would be considered an emotional affair? Well whilst I polled primarily married women the answer is simple.. yes … but.. and there is always a but… if you have shared these feelings with your partner then it isn’t, it can only be considered an emotional affair if you aren’t sharing these feelings with your significant other.

For many women, the problem is not loving or caring for your significant other, it is the fact that the male species isn’t wired to be gentle and compassionate. Society tells them that they should be tough and strong, and that signs of emotional vunerability is frowned upon. Thus through their upbringing males are often not able to show that compassionate side to their significant other and women being primarily an emotional being, this can lead to well.. problems.

Does this mean I will stop talking to my friend, absolutely not, he really made me smile from within.  Will we at some stage have to have the discussion about where I am in my relationship, absolutely. Will it happen on our next phone call, no. I think this is a conversation to be had face to face because whilst boys might think they are all tough, I am sure as we have this conversation and I look into his eyes, a little piece of his heart is going to break. And I want to see that pain and return the support and compassion that he has shown me, because being hurt isn’t fair, but at least if you are going to hurt someone, then you need to make sure they are ok.


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