I think I was just dumped…

Now as strange as that sounds… I think I just got dumped. Considering a) we weren’t in a relationship b) we were just friends I am not sure how else to describe the phone call I just received.

For weeks we have been talking and texting, sharing so much about our lives and having a good laugh. We talked through so many topics, from music, relationships, religion, career choices, you name it we talked about it. There were the caring sincere messages when he knew I was feeling down. The consideration for my life and the many multifaceted components, the poet came out in both of us, the world seemed so much brighter and then… WHAM!!

He admitted that he has found feelings for me, and that he wears his heart on his sleeve and he can’t do this anymore… do what?? We are friends, not lovers, not partners … just friends.  He feels that by being friends it is betraying the relationship that I have with my husband. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH

This goes back to a problem that seems to exist …. why can’t a male and a female be friends? It is actually quite sad, and something has bugged me for a while … why can’t I have male friends that are my friends but not “our” friends. Why is this considered so bad or a betrayal towards my husband? I think it goes down the line of emotional cheating but can one person really provide another with absolutely everything in life?

It was a real shock and slightly devastating for a person I considered a friend just up and leave our friendship. But I understand why he has made that decision.  He unfortunately has started to develop feelings for me and is concerned that if my marriage did fail and he was in any way a small part of it he couldn’t forgive himself. It was quite hard for me to think that just being me could cause someone so much hurt and I know he was sad, I never heard him sad, his voice normally so happy and full of joy was solemn and quiet.  The light had gone from his voice, and that makes me feel sad.

It was hard pressing the delete button, knowing there was no point in keeping him in my phone. But there was one message that I don’t want to ever loose. As such I commit this message to the internet, hoping one day that maybe if things change that the universe allow our paths to cross again…

“On a burgundy day like this. I think the jungle mentality has lifted its capacity to a realistic momentum growth. In light of that. I hope you have a great day.”

There is one more message that also sums up how I was feeling during these two weeks:

“As the sun sets on another day, I wish it was yesterday again. But if it was yesterday the memory I have wouldn’t exist, and the hope of more just a dream.”

To my friend who took my spirit to so many different levels, increased the number of smiles throughout my day, who took the time to check on me from time to time and to ask if I am ok. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the time you invested in me.

My friend I know you are a spiritual person and this verse I think sums up what you were trying to say to me in our last phone call. Luke 3:5 “Every valley will be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be bought low; and the crooked shall be made straight and the rough ways shall be made smooth.”

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