Bored… bored… bored in the concrete jungle

Well I know that we normally sing, George, George, George of the jungle look out for that tree, but with a lack of trees and no one here called George but we do have a bored in residence I thought it might make a catchy title for today’s blog post. My work is completely dull, there is no other way to describe my position… actually there is another way… seat warmer! I keep this seat warm and that is about it. Answer the odd phone call were 99% of the calls really don’t want our office and people just keep hanging up. I create maybe one document a day… and spend most of my time surfing the net and listening to the radio.

My life has been dull and the highlight of my Thursday night is doing at least two loads of laundry to be caught up and have clean clothes to wear to work on Friday. So really there isn’t anything exciting to report. My final unit is worse than pulling hen’s teeth…. for those studying the last unit is the hardest… not because of the subject matter but because after all these years working towards the goal, you get over it, and I am over it. On the sad side there the oncampus students I am living with are all starting to move out, of course it’s always the fun ones that move first.

As this year starts to wind up I am hoping to find a cheap getaway holiday to somewhere warm and sunny for a week to give myself a week of relaxation, whilst completing my final uni assignments. I doubt it will actually happen but you never know my luck, maybe I will find that cheap overseas getaway in the sun and bash out my last few assessments so I can finish the study period early rather than later. Still need to register for my degree, so I better get onto that quick smart, with only a few weeks to go before the uni year is finished.

Well guess I should go back to pretending to do some work, it is what they are paying me for. Going to try and bunk off work two hours early tomorrow… there is a really good game of rugby starting at 230pm.

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Good girl

What thoughts do you associate with the words, “good girl”.  I find it as a woman quite a demeaning term, and I generally take offence. Maybe if someone says it once then it is ok… but more than once in the same phone conversation and the steam starts to fly out my ears.

Of course when you are in a situation where you want everything to be rosy, you never express to the person saying, “good girl” how annoyed you are at that expression. This unfortunately, means my gutt feeling is that this lovely week of fulfillment (emotionally) and tenderness is about to come crashing down around my ears.  AGAIN! Shame really as I cleaned up too, and that doesn’t happen very often.

This week I heard on the radio a discussion about girls who stay with / attracted to males who treat them badly, all the callers are like, noooo never! Well I would like to say this… the nice ones, the gentlemen, the keepers … never seem to stick. The ones that aren’t the best well they stick around, and why do we put up with their crap, because they show just a little bit of interest in us. As a female we need to be needed.

Speaking of the crap ones, I just culled a friend of 30 years from my life. It was part of me retreating from the world. He was good for me years ago, but in the last few years he has treated me like crap. I must say eventhough I was treated like crap by him, I kept going back for more crappy friendship. Well no more, I set off an atomic bomb, got called on it and instead of dealing with the situation, apologising and cleaning up the mess, I just pressed delete, delete, delete!

It is hard to delete and remove people from your life and there is a grieving process. But I have started reading a website tinybuddha.com It does have some good thoughts and it isn’t all about Buddhism either. I am learning that I need to forgive myself and start projecting what I want into the world.

On a completely different tangent, I am actually moving back to my marital home in approximately 2 months, where I will work side by side with my husband. This will be an interesting experience for both of us, not withstanding that I have no mechanical sense and I am being given a big machine to drive. Plus after years of not living together, we are going to live and work together… ahh the joys of married life.

Saturday nights in…

Can a Saturday night spent in be fun? The short answer, NO! After a day of cleaning and getting organised spending the night in seems more like a punishment than a reward. My boredom was so high that I decided to make some garlic bread for the freezer. So now I have garlic bread in the freezer, my washing done, the house clean and still nothing to do.

When I am hiding out in the country these bouts of boredom don’t seem to happen as much. Maybe it is because the country is my real home. Transition housing is really painful, it reminds me of boarding school, when you went where is “x” and you know that it is at home, because you either a) forgot to bring it b) it was too big c) you didn’t think to pack it. At the moment there isn’t that much of my stuff here with me, which was evident with the ease in which I moved.

Gone are the boarding school days when you had a ute and a crate at your disposal and continued to pack until it was evident that there was too much stuff … again. When I travel my suitcase is overflowing, for my 21st Birthday I went to Bali leaving with 17kg of luggage and returning home with 37kg of stuff! Over the years I am getting better but still overpacking is a curse.

Another curse that I have recently discovered is the ability to store a collection of crap in ones car. Firstly, it should be noted that after watching an episode of Oprah seeing what people can store in their cars, my curse is no where near those monumental piles of crap. But still, there were clothes that I never unpacked that stayed there for 2 weeks. Nearly there was an unnecessary purchase of clothing that was just hanging out in the car. At least I wasn’t as bad as the people on Oprah who had to re-purchase presents that were “lost” in the car.

At least there is only 40 minutes left of this enthralling Saturday night in. Tomorrow is a new day starting with an Aqua Class at 9am, but at least this is the easiest class … Aqua Balance … it is all about the Zen and being in the water moving gently… and knowing my luck it will be in the heated pool so by the time it finishes I will be heading off to swim a few laps to cool down.

We have been reunited.

Well my belongings … well the main stuff … and I have been reunited in our beach house, which I will be now calling home for the next 12 months. My home will always be the farm because that is where my husband is and is the only stable residence I have known for about 4 years? But for me on my 2011 journey the beach house will be home.

My husband brought down my belongings and the most important thing … a bed! After 5 nights attempted sleep on an air mattress I will have my bed again. It isn’t the bed ever bed slept in but it certainly delivers a good night sleep. Moving is such a stressful thing, especially when you are moving away from your partner.. he has been so good and helpful, not only moving me but helping out with my flat mate.

Another reunited that has happened today is with my friends cat. I have lived with his cat over the years and she has even lived with me when he was unable to have her where he had moved to. She is now 17 and is one of the reasons that I also own a Russian Blue. The cat I am coexisting with me is called Belief. I am sure that she has a “full name” but can’t tell you what it is 😦

My essay … because it is due in only a few days is sitting at a few hundred words. Tomorrow there is a brunch for my grandmother, so it is going to be one of those last minute essays. In my defense, in planning there was plenty of time.. in reality … it didn’t exist. Along with the essay being completed there hasn’t been a trip to the beach. It is only 1km away and since moving in, even if it was yesterday after work, still haven’t gone to dip a toe in.

Hello … beach house

Well I am officially into my new house. Standing here all alone (yes standing as no chairs or table as yet) I wish I could just afford to rent the whole house myself. For the first time in nearly 7 years I will share a house with someone who isn’t my husband and the last year I lived primarily alone for work reasons.

Also right now I am missing my bed. It will have been 5 nights that I slept on an air mattress and also worked 4 days. It really isn’t nice not having “my” things around me and being comfortable.  On the plus side my room has the most amazing wardrobe… I went to BigW and did a spot of shopping for some things for it.

Half way through I have walked out to sit on my front lawn and watch the traffic at the lights. I can’t remember the last time that I just sat and chilled out for 5 mins watching the world go by. During 2011 I must remember to take some time out to just chill even if for 5 minutes.

So instead of writing my essay I am organising my new wardrobe. Standing up right now is hurting my feet which isn’t surprising considering I have no where to sit down except for the floor. The rest of my furniture (including my bed) arrive tomorrow. My world consists of a laptop and internet (yes, I like to get my priorities right), an air mattress, clothes and the car.

Better get back to organising my wardrobe… because if I am not going to write the essay that is due on Monday at 9am I might as well do something constructive.

Returning to the workforce

Well today I ventured back into a real office, and an open plan one no doubt. I forgot what working in a “temp” role was like. Arrrghhh first day jitters, fumbling my way around learning new systems and adapting to the corporate way.

This is the first time that I have had a car and a drivers licence, not working in the CBD and what is the problem you wonder, parking!!! Whilst the parking is free and it takes 1/3rd of the time to get there if you can find a park! Right now the last thing I wanted to face was public transport. The friend that I was staying with wasn’t home when I got up, so it was a nice quiet start to my first day, and I must admit driving was one way to enjoy every last minute I had left.

Of course the benefit to a car is the ability to wash away the feeling of working by jumping into the ocean. As per typical lines.. I stupidly start a casual conversation with someone to find an attack of “6 degrees of separation”. Must learn to stop taking to random strangers it just leads to another oh do you know… “blah blah blah” with the reply always being, “yes”.

Just in case you were wondering… (not that many of you would be)… my essay is up the proverbial creek without a paddle. It isn’t happening… moving is looming closer … I am working and what isn’t done.. that blasted essay. Internet and TV, something that would normally interest me but alas I am just blah about the whole thing.

And finally before I go to try that essay … I want to be in my new house!!! ARRRRGGHHHHH

So the last day has arrived…

Well it might only be the second day of Janurary 2011, but for me it is my last day for 2011 “living” at the farm. I was here for the grand sum of 17 days before I am up sticks and moving again. When I moved to the country I imagined putting down roots, and not needing to house again. The opportunity to have a home that I never needed to move from.

How wrong I was, this move marks move number 6 since I was married, each move away resulted in my returning to the farm, but with each move it gets harder to think that this will be last time. Especially as I say it every time, if I just ….(insert relevant plan here)… then it will all be OK. Before when I was single, moving was a pain, but it never had this emotional weight attached to it.

Maybe this is what people refer to as guilt. I can experience a lot of emotions but guilt is a feeling that often doesn’t impact upon me. In my past there have been actions that would normally have brought forward the feeling of guilt… but nothing, nada, ziltch, zero. One thing is if you don’t feel guilt for your actions then you learn to become conscious of your decisions / actions.

So along with “pangs of guilt” and a “sense of obligation” my bags have been packed and instructions left for what is to be bought to the city on Saturday when my actual house is ready for me to move in.

Now it is time to make myself presentable (by showering and finding some clean clothes), put on a happy face and go and sit at the local club whilst my husband watches some afternoon sport, country style… lawn bowls.

And of course in true fashion, I will put the laptop and modem in the car, because I believe the local sporting club is my study hall… lets hope they aren’t too noisy today.

Hello 2011

Hello 2011, nice to meet you, I hope we get along well. As I mentioned yesterday no resolutions until after the 4th and after reading my Astrology Zone January 2011 forecast.  To be honest with you  when I would have time before the 4th, to carefully construct and plan these New Years Resolutions seems impossible.

What I can say is today was spent trying to enjoy some R&R and I succeeded by spending the afternoon curled up watching a couple of movies. I watched the extended version of Avatar and besides a bit at the beginning I couldn’t really account for the extra 16 minutes since I watched it in the movie theatre.

Otherwise I would have to say that 01.01.11 was no different to any other day, except I have to remember to write the date right.  Also it is 2 days until I move to the city and if you could keep the temperature to the low 30’s next week that would be great just whilst I readjust.

Ok time to continue with essay writing / packing and cleaning up.

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