2013 is nearly over…

Well with 2013 nearly over, embarking on a new journey seems written in the stars and in my life. Travelling has become a big focus for me recently, yet again travel to the East Coast beckons.

This is a year of rebirth for me, moving toward my next goal, its tiring. But what I am enjoying is reflecting on all that 2013 and previous years right back to being 18 have given me.

24 hours I will be sitting on a plane waiting to travel the 2800 miles to my new location for the next few months. It will be a struggle but its something I am prepared to give my all. Now to finally tell my family what is happening, on the day of my departure, not looking forward to it at all.

 

Snippet

“Not the same but I just got the 😛 good night gorgeous xxx u may be right I could be ready, but time will tell. Thinking seriously about giving it a go if miss right turns up (well appears to b, pops up) if not distractions will do… Lol”

Good girl

What thoughts do you associate with the words, “good girl”.  I find it as a woman quite a demeaning term, and I generally take offence. Maybe if someone says it once then it is ok… but more than once in the same phone conversation and the steam starts to fly out my ears.

Of course when you are in a situation where you want everything to be rosy, you never express to the person saying, “good girl” how annoyed you are at that expression. This unfortunately, means my gutt feeling is that this lovely week of fulfillment (emotionally) and tenderness is about to come crashing down around my ears.  AGAIN! Shame really as I cleaned up too, and that doesn’t happen very often.

This week I heard on the radio a discussion about girls who stay with / attracted to males who treat them badly, all the callers are like, noooo never! Well I would like to say this… the nice ones, the gentlemen, the keepers … never seem to stick. The ones that aren’t the best well they stick around, and why do we put up with their crap, because they show just a little bit of interest in us. As a female we need to be needed.

Speaking of the crap ones, I just culled a friend of 30 years from my life. It was part of me retreating from the world. He was good for me years ago, but in the last few years he has treated me like crap. I must say eventhough I was treated like crap by him, I kept going back for more crappy friendship. Well no more, I set off an atomic bomb, got called on it and instead of dealing with the situation, apologising and cleaning up the mess, I just pressed delete, delete, delete!

It is hard to delete and remove people from your life and there is a grieving process. But I have started reading a website tinybuddha.com It does have some good thoughts and it isn’t all about Buddhism either. I am learning that I need to forgive myself and start projecting what I want into the world.

On a completely different tangent, I am actually moving back to my marital home in approximately 2 months, where I will work side by side with my husband. This will be an interesting experience for both of us, not withstanding that I have no mechanical sense and I am being given a big machine to drive. Plus after years of not living together, we are going to live and work together… ahh the joys of married life.

Fantasy land still crumbling

Well I have been a responsible adult and thus I feel I am loosing any chance I thought I had of retreating to fantasy land. Yesterday I was enjoying day-dreaming about my fantasy land, then last night I was brought crashing back to reality.

When you feel unwell, as I currently do now (thanks to putting myself on a high does antibiotic and back on the pill), sympathy, love, attention, caring from your significant other is what one craves. Alas I received the “there there you’ll be alright”, tap tap on the shoulder. No real concern, or can I get you anything, is there anything I can do?

Can someone please explain to me why men (in particular) don’t seem to understand the importance of being proactive when they have a sick partner? Is it that they are wired differently or do I just pick the ones that don’t have a clue? After all these years, and it has been a significant number, he hasn’t changed. I know you can’t make a leopard change it’s spots but I thought that eventually I would be able to get him to see logic. Partner sick – take up the slack!

Now I am not sick, take me to hospital or doctor sick, I am “sick” due to the high doses of medication I am subjecting myself to. I am “sick” because I haven’t had more than 1 week to myself to do nothing for the last 5 years. I am “sick” because working full time, studying 52 weeks a year and running at least one, sometimes 2 businesses is exhausting. For 3 years I haven’t had a break from study / work / business and I have had enough. I am “sick” because all I wanted was for you to find that fluid stuff you put in cars for the steering and you told me to go to a shop.

So I have a friend who I am waiting to respond to my SMS, but because of aforementioned medication, female problems are now plaguing me, and I am not great company. I was looking forward to an evening of mentally stimulating conversation, laughs and fun. Guess that ain’t going to happen either…. farewell to fantasy land, hello reality, time to be an adult a bit longer and get on with the daily druge of life.

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