Crazy breakdown

Well its official. I am 35 years of age and my first psychotic breakdown has occurred. I silently ignored my husband until he just went way. Then I thought, I pondered, reflected and then…. then I started to scream. 

Slowly … refusing to say that one sentence that boiled up inside of me. “I can do this”. Lucky for me my isolation worked in my favour. I was only scaring my husband, along with the 2 furbabies with no one else to hear me. Potentially now I think there could have been someone else around, but I doubt it, don’t care if anyone else did hear it. I’m over it.

So long story short, I had that massive insane, chanting, obsessed… deliberate pen scribbling. Anger, hurt, frustration, annoyance, determination, forgiveness, gutter screaming, cleansing yelling session. Yes it felt good, would I recommend it…um maybe. My husband did come in and calmly tell me that he was scared by my actions. I had to use non-confrontational non-verbal body language to communicate, because I was not breaking my mantra sentence.

Used my mantra sentence, to restore acceptable volume, more gentler tones, Calmed myself down, husband no longer scared. No small animals were harmed in this cathartic session. 

What do we make of this… I don’t know. But I feel better, energized, lighter in the chest. Now dive headfirst into a pile of financial statements. 

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