There is a fine line between hiding from life and ensuring that you allocate, guilt free, time to recharge your batteries. This week two points in time crossed and 12 months had passed since the two had spent time actually catching up. The similarities were that we for a period of time were only capable of taking care of ourselves, other people relied on us (one in a more significant way than the other) and we struggled to accept help from others. Finances ruled in the year gone past, one struggling one being completely frivolous under the guise of ‘me time’ but blown to all extravagances.
The vast difference was whilst one person, really was surrounded by people who loved him, family in the traditional and non-traditional, the other was sent/allowed/coerced/instigated floating like a breeze with no fixed plans, in hiding from family ensuring they couldn’t help as slowly she died inside. Extravagance a cry for help, someone to hold her and allow those walls to crumble and the beauty from inside shine. For these two people whose lives intersected for a period of time, now must part ways, tides have changed, but without this crossing of lines, growth would never have been achived on both sides.
But during those times of passing, they have confided, shared and uplifed each other. Then as time, and lives move on, one finds where their heart lies, in family not always the traditional kind, but a blending, the other bound by tradition and desperately fighting at its boundaries. Surrounding himself, even if initially with reluctance, those who really care, he lets them in. She now knows she can only be an hour of distraction, a ship passing in the night, rarely gracing the shores and will become as time continues to pass will become a relic of the past.
She works herself into a frenzy and then vanishes, but never wanting to fully vanish, somehow throwing words, to the universe, hoping they find resolution. Never stopping to slow down and think, never being able to find the words, to fully explain her world. Unable to find that connection that she thinks exists but doesn’t. She calculates based on the known and decides that the unknown can be left to the cosmos the decide. The future, will only show if the web will hold or disentegrate before her eyes, check mate on the game will be played. Despite her arrogance, she knows, no one can outplay the universe.
The resolution she so desperate seeks, doesn’t lie in a song she can relate to all the words and see your face. The answer will not be found in a far-away land if you are hiding from your reality. But to escape and be free as a bird, to soar, to laugh, to be still, to be uplifted, to be invigorated lets that spark start to remerge. As the age of junkets draws to a close, one must hold onto the memories, the compliments, the looks and remember it with fondness. She threw away the tinket that she thought would hold all answers, leaving it with the ones who are here now, holding the strength and deserving of your love.
She threw herself towards the bottom of the heap, not caring about what tomorrow may bring. More careless than carefree but finding solace and resolution in that one place. Always wishing for more time, never wanting to be more than a few meagre belongings and happy, because comfortable comes with an ache that nothing can fill. She wants the fairy tale, but those that she has tried to cast are never what she needs because she took what was on offer rather than finding the right fit.
A Year of Rambling 